Personal Statement From Jen
After much prayer and reflection, I’ve decided to share an update about how my marriage ended and where I am today. Many of you have followed our story publicly, and some have reached out with questions. This is my opportunity to speak honestly and bring clarity from my perspective.
As most know who followed my former husband’s ministry and our story of betrayal and porn addiction, you are probably aware that our marriage didn't survive his addiction. This was an ongoing battle that has been ongoing for almost eighteen years. During the last eight years of our marriage, I was sure that he had found his own deliverance from porn use, but two years ago, he eventually revealed that he had not found freedom from it and had continued to struggle privately. During this time, he was active in ministry while secretly engaging in behavior that contradicted the values he publicly taught. During our separation, intended to help us heal and restore our marriage, more was revealed. His behavior towards me worsened to the point where he decided he didn't want reconciliation anymore. This was heartbreaking for me, but I knew fighting for a man who didn't want me was holding back my own healing. I decided to pursue a divorce, and that was final in January. Towards the end, he admitted that he didn't take his recovery seriously, and while he said he was truly sorry, he still didn’t want reconciliation and gave me a biblical divorce letter in October 2020.
I did everything I could, and towards the end, some new information came to light that unfortunately made me realize that this involved more than sex addiction alone. If it had been only that, I hold the belief that we would have found redemption. When you partner sex addiction with a mental illness, your chances of recovery decrease quite a bit. I had to hold my boundary that I could not be married to someone who was not recovering. While he has shared that PTSD contributed to the breakdown of our marriage, I need to clarify that PTSD was not the core issue. There were deeper patterns of deception that, out of respect for privacy, I won’t detail here. What's important to know is that I did battle for my husband in prayer and tried to advocate for him to get the help he needed. He refused my efforts and chose a different path that I could not walk with him. It always grieves me when ministry leaders walk away from their marriages, and I never thought it would happen to me. I didn’t want divorce to be part of my story, but I also knew I couldn’t continue in a marriage where deception was the main theme. I took a step of faith, not knowing what the outcome would be.
Today, I stand strong in my own betrayal trauma recovery and have sought support through high-level therapy, pastoral counseling, and a support group for betrayed women. My recovery started four years ago, and it will always be part of my life. Even though I would never wish this pain on anyone else, I am grateful that God can help other marriages overcome betrayal and sex addiction. I know God will help me move past the grief and into something even better.
For those who share their concerns about his choices, I am not the one to talk to. Take those concerns to him. As I self-reflect on the past two years, one of the most painful realizations was the lack of meaningful accountability. I believe in the importance of spiritual community, especially when leaders are struggling. Healthy accountability can make all the difference. To allow men to come around other men and hold them up when they are falling. My former husband didn't have this.
So what’s next for me? I will continue in my business as a wellness educator, as that income has been provided for myself and my kids. Moving forward, I’m pursuing training and certifications that will allow me to help partners of sex addicts in a bigger way. I ask for prayer that God will make a way for us to be part of a community where we can grow and thrive. My heart has always been for the ministry work we were doing, and now I will continue it on my own.
In closing, I appreciate all the loving support I have received. God has allowed people in my life to help me stand strong in my self-worth and in my belief that God is greater than all this. I see how He continues to show up for me and my kids as we navigate this new terrain. May He continue to keep us tucked up under His wing.