Managing Triggers
So it happened tonight...the first time in almost a month. Which is a huge improvement for me, given I lived a life wrapped up in a trigger-fest whirlpool.
I wasn't expecting it. I will say that today my mood had shifted into a "no non-sense" direction because as the month ends and another begins, I have things I know I need to get done. So I started to develop tunnel vision. Then it happened. I started with a simple request for help and was told no. Ok, not a big deal at all. I don't expect help in all the ways I need it, and I know sometimes I need to manage it independently. After all, this is my reality now as a single mom. It was the way I was denied...it was the reason that came with it. All of a sudden, I started to overthink myself into a narrative that was probably not true. At this point, I was too far gone to stop myself. I started to feel emotions that I knew weren't going to serve me. I checked in with my group leader because that's what helps to keep me accountable, so I don't do the wrong things during a time where I feel weak. Do things that later I would either regret or would make me feel worse in the past. So for the sake of being on the same page, here is what you probably shouldn't do while triggered: Don’t text your ex. Don’t jump on a dating app (I never have, but the temptation is real). Don’t eat something that will leave you feeling worse. Don’t doom-scroll social media for hours. And definitely don’t post a long, passive-aggressive rant online (also never done that). We each have our list of “No’s.” If you don’t know yours yet, take time to write them down. Commit to creating a boundary around those behaviors.
(Originally written February 23, 2021)
During my [therapeutic] separation from my husband, I would initiate a conversation with him while triggered. It took me a long time to find a better way. Having a conversation with him while I felt rejected only made me feel rejected even more. I couldn't control whether he wanted me or not. It didn't stop me from trying. I finally reached a point where I could find better ways to anchor myself during these times.
Tonight, as I sit here trying to ground myself again, I want to share five things I find helpful when triggered.
1.) Tune in to what you are feeling. My support group leader asked me this evening what my feelings were. A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to tune into this as well as I do now. Very quickly, I was able to identify: Jealousy, Anger, Sadness, Loneliness (but I didn't want anyone), Shutting down, and overthinking. I try to run and problem-solve my way out of feelings, but now I allow myself to sit with them.
2.) Taking a bath is also my favorite way to tune into my feelings. It flips a switch in my brain and makes me feel like I am in a bubble for a moment. It is harder to distract yourself when you are in the bath. There's nothing to do except think. I am not talking about overthinking...I'm talking about examining why you feel the way you do. Baths are also great ways to refresh your mind and body.
3.) Get in the WORD. I mean the Bible. I love reading Psalms. David's words usually soothe my soul in these volatile moments. He experienced betrayal, yet his heart remained with God.
4.) Pray it out! This is so hard because you tend to let your thoughts take you captive while you are in a trigger fest. This makes praying very hard because you can't focus. I have a great tip to offer you that can help. MUSIC! Either put on some praise music (I have a few suggestions I can post below) beforehand to shift your heart posture, so you're not self-focused but God-focused. When I'm really struggling, I'll continue praying while having some epic music playing through my earbuds. I highly recommend playing this song on repeat for at least ten minutes.
5.) Lastly, journaling is a valuable practice. This has probably been my most powerful tool for my healing. It's my direct line between God and my heart. It only takes a few sentences before I feel the Ruach washing over me with comfort and care. Usually, I start with gratitude, but in this case, I start writing what flows from my mind to the paper. I left it all out, and I don't hold back. I don't try to be eloquent or gracious. I let it all pour onto the page—raw, honest, and unfiltered. What’s beautiful is how, somewhere halfway through, something shifts. My heart softens. My words move from self-protection to surrender, and I find myself turning toward God for validation and peace.